Monday, December 16, 2019

Acid Test: LSD vs. LDS by Christopher Kimball Bigelow



Ah, drugs. So useful for so many things. They are just right for scaring the shit out of your in-laws, making listening to Phish almost tolerable, getting into parties when you're too old to reasonably be there, creating temporary, artificial meaning in the midst of a purposeless existence, and in the case of Mr. Bigelow, facilitating one's exit from Mormonism. But just when it seems that he will be sucked forever into the underground Punk scene, there is a twist! Want to know what happens? Read the book, suckers! Meanwhile, let's talk more about drugs.

Here's one of the sad ironies about drugs. When you are young, when your brain is still not fully formed, when you have life goals still left to accomplish, kids to raise, and plenty to lose, drugs are everywhere! When I was in my twenties, I could hardly go to the post office or to an underground fight club without being offered drugs. They were everywhere! And it wasn't just the hippies either. The straighter the tie, the higher they fly! That's what people said anyway. And if I had a dollar for every schmoe I saw ruin his life with drugs, I'd have enough for a dimebag, at least.

But where would I get one? The flip side to all that is that once you have accomplished all you will in life, no matter how little that is, when you have nothing left to lose, no one to harm, no moral sensibilities left to offend, and nothing else to do anyway, the drugs are gone! I no longer get invited to parties where I can ask if anyone knows a guy, and if I went into the neighborhoods where I know people used to be selling, I would probably be dead before I was high, and that would defeat the whole purpose! What is a curious, very mature gentleman to do?

But there is some hope! Have you heard that they are starting to prescribe psilocybin to old people with "death anxiety?" They give it to people in supervised labs with whitecoat scientists guiding your LSD trips. I mean, can you think of anything more likely to kill a high than having to talk about it with a bunch of psychologists in the moment? And why are we not supposed to be anxious about dying in the first place? Off we go soon to perhaps something beautiful, and perhaps eternal damnation, and perhaps nothing at all, but hey, who gives a fuck, right? No worries, Mr. Psychologist, but if you really want me to feel better, maybe you could give me some privacy while I get my "treatment." And by the way - Jackson, if you are reading this, don't show your mother. It's embarrassing to have your own daughter give you "the talk" about drugs.

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