Friday, October 23, 2020

Ordinary Grace by William Kent Krueger

 

So I read This Tender Land, and it was brilliant, so I decided to dig into this guy's catalogue and see if he wrote anything else that was halfway decent. I figured not, but I was wrong! It still pissed me off though, because when you start at the wrong end of an author's book list, it's almost like reading a book backward. You miss the evolution of the voice and all that shit. You know what I mean? Things are meant to happen in a certain order, and if the order is wrong, it fucks everything up.

It's kind of like going to Golden Corral and just diving into the key lime pie right off the bat. It's good enough, but you can't deny that something is off. Your son in law Gerry is giving you the "what the fuck is wrong with you" look, but at the same time, you have already been kicked out of a Golden Corral once, and if it happens again, at least you got your pie and didn't waste your time eating gumbo that came out of a dust covered #10 can that has been propping open the walk-in cooler for the past 6 months. And you can't get salmonella from key lime pie, which puts it in the top 10% of foods on the buffet safety-wise, so the more I think about it, the better the key lime pie option is sounding. 

Maybe a better analogy is when I took my grand-nephew to see Vanilla Ice in 1990 (opening for MC Hammer, to be precise - I was the cool old guy even then, although I did not understand the pants). Vanilla Ice comes out on stage and goes right into Ice Ice Baby. I'm thinking, motherfucker! That's his only song that doesn't sound like a bunch of people hitting you in the head with kitchen pans, and now we have to listen to a cacophonous noise salad that would make Schoenberg sick without even the promise of Ice Ice Baby at the end of it. As it turned out, I had no cause for worry that day, because a half hour later - I shit you not - he played it again! Twice in a 45 minute set. How's that for pathetic?

And while I'm at it, how about these fools who do Star Wars marathons starting with Episode I? Obviously, in that realm, chronological order doesn't really matter. It's about character development! If you don't know he is destined to become Darth Vader, who gives a crap what happens to Anakin? Sorry about the spoiler, snowflakes! Deal with it. Which is not to mention that Episodes I, II, and III are so terrible that they should never be watched under any circumstances. Truly the most disappointing movies of all time. Except maybe Pirates of the Caribbean 4 - I really thought they were going to turn things around with that one.

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