Thursday, November 28, 2019

The Gold Ring: Wall Street's Swindle of the Century and its Most Scandalous Crash - Black Friday, 1869 by Kenneth Ackerman

So I was at my daughter's house last weekend, ostensibly for coffee, although whatever it was she served me came out of this little pod that she popped into some futuristic machine, and on top of that she refused to let me put any whiskey in it, on account of it being 8:30 in the morning, so it goes without saying that we were off to a rough start. She was talking to Tina, my granddaughter, in the next room, and they were discussing Black Friday. "You know about Black Friday, right grandpa?," says Tina. "Of course!," I reply, thinking to myself, "Oh shit, here we go again." After the debacle with the planets, the last thing I wanted was for Tina to have another I Told You So moment, so I excused myself by claiming that I had a pickling emergency to attend to, and I hobbled up to the library and got this book.

In case you were unaware, the story of Black Friday is a couple of rich assholes trying to get richer at everyone else's expense by cornering the gold market on the New York Gold Exchange. The market collapsed and the country was temporarily fucked. Sound familiar? Anyone? Jamie Dimon, perhaps? 150 years later, and it's the same old shit. God Bless America. At least I learned enough to put Tina in her place this time.

Here's the kicker, though. I called her up and asked if she would be kind enough to stop by with a real coffee (made from beans, by a human), and I started talking about what I had learned, and she explained that Black Friday is actually a holiday where - I shit you not - everyone spends the whole day shopping. Can you believe this bullshit? Can anything be less of a holiday than that? Is there a holiday where we spend the day sticking forks in our eyes? Or listening to my son-in-law talk about jazz? No, Gerry, it is not the goddamn notes that he didn't play! Tina talked about going shopping with her mom as if it was a recreational activity! Like fishing! Or drinking!

My philosophy on shopping is that you only go shopping when you know what you need, then you go in and get it, and then you leave. No wandering around like mindless sheep, impulsively buying whatever strikes your fancy, as if money grew on trees or expired if you didn't use it. I think I'm less offended by the idea of some rich asshole trying to steal all my money (looking at you, Bezos) than by a holiday devoted entirely to shopping. So sorry Tina, you may know more about Black Friday than I do, but you get no points for this one.

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