I can remember the first flight I took with my family. It wasn't that long after it was first becoming a normal thing for people to do, and back then, it was a classy affair. The planes were clean and shiny, people in the airport were nice to you, and the attendants dressed smartly, often with very stylish cravats. What the fuck ever happened to cravats? I'd like to know. Gone the way of cassette tapes, chicken a la king, and our self-respect as a nation I suppose - straight down the shitter! The closest thing I have seen to a cravat this century was a guy with a full neck tattoo, and I was not impressed.
They used to serve real food on airplane flights too. In fact - I shit you not - we used to schedule our family vacations intentionally so that our flight would be during a meal time. Actual healthy meals came out in hot trays, with a warm washcloth beforehand and a lemon sorbet to cleanse the palate. And it was free! These days, for 12 dollars you can get a box full of bullshit that is less appetizing than what you might sweep up off the floor of the movie theater after a showing of Zootopia 4.
And that is assuming you can actually get on the plane in the first place. The personal inspections you have to go through just for the privilege of sitting in an non-reclinable seat for three hours are enough to make the Marquis de Sade blush. I should admit that like many esteemed gentlemen my age, I have a few bits of metal inside me (not the parts that matter, mind you, and none of your damn business, Margaret!). But every time I go to the airport, I get a series of uniformed guards calling me "sir" and then probing me with an assortment of beeping wands. It's like a goddamn alien abduction in there! I have learned that anyone who calls you "sir" more than twice is about to do something unconstitutional.
And furthermore, you have to have a PhD just to buy a ticket these days. It used to be that a flight from point A to point B cost a certain amount of money, but now the same ticket costs 4 different amounts depending on where you accidentally click on the damn website. The cheap ticket still gets you there, but if you read the fine print, you find out that you can't bring a bag, you have to sit in a middle seat, they intentionally separate you from your family (an unexpected benefit), you get no pillow, your crossword puzzle is already done, and the flight attendant gets to punch you in the face. The friendly skies! To be fair, that's not actually what this book was about, but I already went to college, so who gives a fuck?